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Third, they must affirm the readiness of the adolescent to respond fully and creatively to them. But what is needed to avoid the current disaster of schooling is an educational culture in which teachers invite students to collaborate with them more and more in managing the learning process. All these together, even without compulsively misguided parenting can generate a high level of tension. Underneath all this, you are impatient and intolerant, blaming and disapproving. The more formal one is: Both Margery and the counsellor repeatedly and gently urged Susan to express what was really going on in her.
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But if the three concerns become stronger, and get into overload, then they may distort what is going on in the peer group. This fear can be a separate cause of disturbed teenage behaviour. The importance of helping young people to become self-assessing in this way cannot be overestimated, since once they are living and working in the adult world, the primary way they exercise responsibility is through being self-assessing about their life and work. You then, perhaps, ceased to care for and cultivate the needs and wants and creative impulses that spring up from your own inner being. It was fondly supposed that every small male child was a micro-adult with a keen eye on future career and status; and that every small female child was already planning the drapes in the house in which she would raise her children and look after her husband.
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There can be no real relationship between any two people each of whom thinks he or she ought to do what the other one really wants. In the absence of all this, the experience of secondary schooling is another great source of teenage stress and can only reinforce the effects of compulsive parental control at home. Stand up clearly for your rights, needs and interests in life areas which are exclusively your business; and expect your teenager to respect them and do intelligent and considerate business with you about making sure they are honoured in action by him or her. So instead of acting out an unhealthy urge to interfere in your teenager's life, you liberate within a healthy impulse to care for yourself. Will I understand what is going on in the group? He is frightened of his healthy impulses to meet them, talk to them and explore friendship with them. Your identity is a hostage to your teenager's waywardness.
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People are what we meet. This distorts it into ugly forms, and then you realize how right you were to fear it. It's not a head place: You then, perhaps, ceased to care for and cultivate the needs and wants and creative impulses that spring up from your own inner being. What simple things, small deeds and acts, would give you the sense of affirming you, of staking out your claim to move forward in life, becoming fuller? She was raised in a radical kibbutz in Israel with a highly collective life-style.
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