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However, I haven't moved on since then and know that if I don't change my behaviour I'll continue to be on my own. It's not something we can think clearly about in our early teens because our sexual orientation is part and parcel of our personalities, and they are still being formed. Upload Login Register Best videos Best galleries. I have reached 40 and look back on over 20 wasted years and can only see more of the same. Over the next two months we hooked up a few times a week. You were subjected to psychological terror, lived under the threat of exposure, were totally in the power of somebody else and yet nobody was in a position to witness it. Matt Cain, Editor of gay magazine Attitude , said the survey confirmed what he has been aware of for some time.